Today is a good day because for one thing, it stopped raining but its still really cold outside, i’m listening to old school Eagle Eyed Cherry and well, I just feel good. I only had three hours of sleep but still I’m so energetic and another thing is this i’m not thinking of you at all.

For the first time in months, I’m not going around thinking that I should see you or I should be with you. I’m just at a stable place that no longer includes you anymore. And I must admit, it’s not as grave as the previous one, but it still counts for a little bit of insanity.

You know i’ve learned not to regret it, any of it. Yes it was a mistake but not grave enough for it to be fatal.

I just feel good and it has nothing to do with work or anyone else. It just makes sense to be happy.

I guess when you stop expecting from the people around you, everything else just falls into place, everything else just makes sense again. I guess you could only rely on people so much, but at the end of the day, you have to rely on your own inner strength, sometimes we forget that we’re blessed with tons of it.

I’ve also realized that I’m 21 now and I have responsibilities. I’m no longer a little child that can run around and not expect to face the consequences for whatever decision I make. No matter how minute the consequence may be, it’s still a consequence.

Also, despite how driven I am, I doubt that I would be able to accomplish all that I want to achieve in a year’s time so it’s best that I stick to this path that I chose and let everything fall into place the way that they should be because no matter what happens, they will fall into place. Whatever’s meant to happen, will.

And maybe, i’ve also reached a point that i’m no longer afraid. I’m no longer afraid to take certain risks, but probably with caution this time.

For the meantime, while my wonderful life unfolds itself, i’ll continue to enjoy lazy days as this one, where everything is cool, calm and steady. They do come around often, all I have to do is take a seat and relish it.

Happy Weekend 🙂

When I entered pre-school, just like everyone else, I expected to have a lot of friends. My parents raised me oozing with so much self-confidence that I just expected everyone to be friends with me and you know in pre-school, when the main purpose is to socialize (so I learned from my Foundations of Education class) and interact, its quite easy.

I guess, it gets trickier as you get older since you deal with a lot of things which mainly includes: insecurity, greed and unwanted anger that’s been building up since you were young. With all these factors, you sort of just drift away from the idea that you can find real friends.

In a perfect world, you would be best friends with every single person you meet. In utopia, everyone you meet has nothing but kind words to say to you or about you, but I guess that’s the reason why there’s no such thing, it’s because things are never perfect and people always end up saying something about you, even if you just met or had one conversation (must remind self that not every conversation is as perfect as 050809).

Even friends that has been there since you were ten turn away, find new ones or realize that you don’t fit in thier little social hemisphere so they decide to cut you out of thier lives or simply forget to reply to a text message or a wall post. They simply drift away, drift away to friends with cooler cars, cooler clothes or just a cooler crowd.

You find friends in highschool, but you never find them after. Or maybe you do, but they’re never quite the ones you expect them to be.

It’s for this very reason that’s why sometimes I pull away from people. Why it takes me awhile to trust people. Peyton was right, people always leave, but well-meaning ones stay forever. They leave sometimes, but they do come back, that proves that they’re meant to be a part of your lives.

But you know, I’ve changed my perspective about things. Yes, it’s true that some people are not meant to be a part of our lives for a really long time, but they’re meant to be there for awhile. Even if we had a really bad experience with them, maybe that’s the purpose they served, to teach us something which, in the end benefits us and not them.

So maybe because of this new perspective, i’ve learned to let go of people easier. I was never meant some of them forever.

I’m the eternal Peter Pan.

I’ve been annoyed constantly by good friends (ahem Mr. Pagdonsolan) because despite all that crazy things that I’ve been through lately, I still managed to believe that there’s a fairy tale waiting for me out there.

And I still believe it, although today, I’ve come to realize that maybe just maybe, my faith in happy endings just ended today.

The world is a cruel place.
Friends betray you, friends with whom you gave everything to would drop you for no reason at all.
The most popular music legend, in truth, does not live a perfect life. He’s haunted by monsters and his own personal demons.

The perfect guy you meet in a perfect setting and with whom you talk to for hours turns out to be just a really nice guy. He’s just not that into you and you can’t bring to hate him because he’s really the nicest person you have ever met.

You’d also realize that the perfect guy falls for the timid, chinky eyed and small boned girl. He wants none of the passionate and sometimes loud big boned and wide eyed the anti thesis of an Asian girl that you are.

But also, at the same time, you come to realize that life is still wonderful.

You’ve got a great family. You’ve got wonderful friends. Your job is moving. You’re studying again. Everyday, you’re learning.

You got little but wonderful things for your 21st birthday.
You don’t want to be stuck in where you are, but you’re happy that life is moving to the direction that you want it to.

Yes, maybe I didn’t get my fairytale yet. But I think I need to tweak its definition.

I think my fairytale doesn’t involve any happy endings. It involves being happy right now.

I think it’s fairytale enough to know that yes, life throws these incredible hurdles your way but God gave you the strength to ovecome it. He gave you people at that exact same time to heal you from the hurt and help you move forward with grace.

Fairytales always involved happy and lovable characters and I’m happy that I’m blessed with so many of them. People who make me laugh and make me feel appreciated (that’s you Riot).

Being happy right now is fairytale enough.

I did not know how to react and instead just stared and hugged the box for a really long time before ripping the wrapping paper open. I cried, of course and was left speechless for minutes before finally thanking my mom and keeping my dad’s note.

I wanted to sleep it with it but instead kept it in my cabinet among with other valuable things. It’s still there, I cannot wait for 4:30 so I can finally tinker with it.

You see, I love giving out surprises, but it’s been done to me only twice- once with my eight kids and now with my parents.

It’s a great feeling. As you all know I’ve been having a rather shitty seven days and this just makes up for all the hurt and frustration over the past weeks.

My parents always always want the best for me and they do absolutely everything to give me the best and that thought just fills me with so much emotion and joy because sometimes I don’t think I deserve the best.

That’s a good pick me upper.

That’s the reason why I gather my strength from them.

God’s working so I have nothing to fear. He has overcome all the evil in the world 🙂

There used to be a time wherein I could write, write and write and the world would be perfectly aligned, no matter how difficult the heartbreak or how tough the situation, words always seemed to be the perfect escape-except for today.
I have just been through one of the most heartbreaking days in my life.
Yesterday passed by in a blur and I could not believe how some people could be extremely high and mighty that they would do absolutely everything to make sure that their egos are not bruised and their precious positions are not threatened.
So they find scapegoats. They find scapegoats who they think are not as important as them or do not hold important positions as theirs.
This is disheartening and sometimes, at the end of the day, you wonder why people stab other people in the back just to secure positions that would be worthless at the end of the day.
There’s an upside to it though, yesterday’s events led me to realize who my real and true blue friends are and it truly brightened up my rather cloudy night. I may have appeared listless today but my heart appreciates it, my heart appreciates the people who were there for me in that shitty day and I’m grateful.
I’ll stand strong in faith. God, as always, is fighting my battles.
**
I cannot believe that Michael Jackson is DEAD. It’s such depressing news.
He was an icon and he was always… there.
You know that love survives, so we can rock forever.
Rest in peace. Your music will live on.